Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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