we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
