It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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