i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
