I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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