if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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