she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
