He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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