It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
