i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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