Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
