Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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