Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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