Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
