just come out here and I will go home with you...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
