The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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