you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
