Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
