Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
