He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
