Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
