"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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