bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
