doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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