Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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