he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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