Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
