My room smells like vodka and shame
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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