I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
