he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You dont lie about slip and slides
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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