It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
