hotel room ftw
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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