Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
