Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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