by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
as a side note pls kill me
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