New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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