break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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