wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
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We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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