I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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