ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
