Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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