I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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