Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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