Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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