i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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