I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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