It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
