i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
