What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
