The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
