Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
