You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
