watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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