I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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