Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
