how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Mom said you looked used
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
