Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
