I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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