so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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