I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
