I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
