It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
