Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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