I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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