I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
