the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
