so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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