Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I see more hoeing in ur future
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