Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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