broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
